Today we’re going to talk about the word “No” and how it can actually be a complete sentence.
As women we have this belief that we have to say yes to everybody, that we have to be there for everybody and we have to help them. That it is our role to be there for everyone – and if we do have the strength to say “No” at times to people or to requests that are made of us, we feel we have to justify our answers or explain why we aren’t able to help them. And the truth of the matter is:
We don’t.
We don’t have to justify anything. We don’t have to explain anything. We can say “No”.
We do not have to say “Yes” to everything that comes our way. We need to learn discernment. We need to learn what is in line with our truth. What is right for me to say “No” to may not be the same as what it is for you. This is where it comes back to being soul centred, being able to tune into ourselves, and know what is right for us.
To take that time out and allow ourselves the space to honour ourselves and know what is right for us and know what is right for our growth because sometimes by saying “No” you are allowing other people to step up into their own power, their own strength and for learning.
If you think about it with children, and if you’ve got children, you know that you can’t always do everything for them. Children have to grow up and learn how to look after themselves. So sometimes, even though it is easier for us as mothers to do the jobs for the children, sometimes we have to take that step and actually step back, not step forward or step up into doing it, but take that step back, and allow our children to do it their way.
Important thing – their way.
It’s not a case of doing it our way as if our way is the only way we can do it. No – it is doing it their way, and learning from that what is possible.
I had an experience the other day where a businesswoman was having a problem with one of her clients, and she said to me, “When is it going to stop? When are they going to stop taking advantage of me and asking for these things?” And I said to her, “When you say No” When you say “That’s enough. No more” You don’t have to explain it. You don’t have to justify it. So long as you’re making yourself available, and agreeing to their requests, they are going to keep asking. Because why would they think that their requests are unreasonable if you’re not saying “No”? If you are offering, people are taking it that you are happy to do what is being requested of you.
If you are suppressing your feelings about it, pasting a smile on your face, going “Yes I’d love to be there, I’d love to do that for you” and inside you are fuming, then they are not necessarily going to get that message. It doesn’t mean that you have to be cruel, or unkind when you say “No”, you can just say “No”. “No. Not today. Not ever.”
So take the time out to establish what your priorities are, because again, if you don’t know what your priorities are, then other people will determine what your priorities are, and that will be what they want. So by being clear on what your priorities are, that will help you to know what to say “Yes” to, and what to say “No” to. Work out where your values are. If you are being asked to do something that isn’t within your value system, then again, you can say no to that.
More often than not, in your heart of hearts, you know what you want to do and what you don’t want to do. Sometimes it may be a case of you can’t do it this time because you have too many other things on, and that’s ok. You can say “No” this time, and you can say “Yes” the next time. If you want to, you can say “No, I can’t do it this week but I’d be more than happy to help you next week”. But do what suits you and what fits in with you.
The biggest gain that you will get from saying “No “is that it opens up space for you to be able to say “Yes” to what you really love.
I hope that this helps you on your journey in life and giving you the strength and courage to say “No” when you really want to say it.